January 17, 2006
Moving on up...
This blog has a new address and will very soon be offline at this current address. If you would like to know the new address now, please email me at southernbellemom AT gmail DOT com.
June 01, 2005
April 20, 2005
Count Your Blessings
I have this page-a-day calendar on my desk. As I peeled off yesterday’s page, today’s message, “count your blessings,” was revealed. The picture showed a lovely family, and I thought: Why is it that I always want more? I never seem satisfied with what I have at the present. I know it is human nature to have wants and desires, but why can’t I ever just be satisfied with what I have. I am so blessed to have both my mother and father close to me. I am blessed to have 2 sisters. I am super-blessed to have the kindest, most understanding, and helpful husband. I am blessed beyond words to for the little boy that runs around our house pretending to be Spiderman, Dash, or an assortment of Power Rangers. All of these people make me who I am, and because of them more blessings follow…our home, nieces and nephews, in-laws.
It is so easy to see the negativity in life. In fact, many people seek out negativity. Lately I have become that kind of person. I have bad feelings toward good friends for sharing their joy at an expanding family. Just the other day a friend mentioned that she might start “trying” for baby #2, and I immediately tried to talk her out of it. Why? Because I am so selfish that I could not stand the hurt and pain of watching yet another friend “fall” pregnant so easily while I stand on the sideline in agony. Seriously, you’d be surprised at what a baby boom we’re in right now. The jealousy I feel toward perfect strangers is appalling. I just want to be happy again. I have placed so much pressure on getting pregnant, but what if it doesn’t happen? Can I truly be happy? I know I will, but it is still too much of an incomprehensible concept to accept. I keep telling myself I have to “try harder,” but what does that mean? It really doesn’t matter how much we “do it” if my body won’t ovulate. Every little thing about this frustrates me. I keep it bottled up inside because I don’t want pity. I don’t want other people’s story of how it “just happened.” I want to know what I can do to make it happen to me. I’ve tried so hard. This month we’re moving up to 150 mg of Clo*mid. The thoughts that once bothered me of multiples have no affect on me now…who cares, if this medicine will just work! I am trying to count my blessings, but it is so hard when I know there are blessings out there that I have yet to find.
March 11, 2005
29 for the first time
Well, today is my 29th birthday. I've been joking that this year I will turn 29 for the first time. Next year I may very well turn 20-10. I don't know why I'm having so much trouble approaching the big 30. I can't even talk about it. Good thing I have another year left to come to terms with leaving my 20's behind.
I finally fixed my blog. It took the better part of 2.5 hours, but I have it looking good enough. I am so ready for Spring! I'm just so disgusted that it didn't snow here this winter that I want it to get warm already. No more teasing me with semi-warm weather that turns frigid. I want capri pants weather!
I'm in the middle of cheerleading tryouts this week. Tomorrow is the actual tryout day, but I've had to keep late hours every evening this week while the girls learn their material. It's just exhausting! Otherwise I've had a pretty good week. Spirits are higher this week than they have been, probably because it was "birthday week." I'm like a little girl...teehee.
Here's wishing you a good day...I know I'll have a little spring in my step!
February 24, 2005
Just blah.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I am just so blah. I have no desire to do much of anything, even the things I need to do! I haven't been posting because I don't have anything to say. We did battle the stomach flu this past weekend. Hurrah! That makes 5 times that Chase has had a stomach bug in the past year. 5. times. I don't think I've had it 5 times my whole life!
This week also marked another failed cycle of Clo*mid. My dr. says I am ovulating, so it should be a matter of time, but it is SO HARD! 15 months is a long time. (and please don't berate me for whining about my 15 months when you've been trying for many years. I know it's hard, no matter how long, but this is my journal...m'kay?) I am exhausted. I live in two week increments...counting days. Watching for signs, wishing for signs. I am just so sad.
Last night was particulary hard for me (read: depressing), and then I wake up this morning, get to the babysitters (late) only to be told that she has been trying to call me because she now has a stomach bug. Great. I have nowhere to take Chase because I'm about to be late for work, so I just bring him with me. I called my mom to come pick him up for me, so it ended up ok, but oh so very frustrating.
Well, isn't this a holly jolly Thursday for you! Then ramblings of a whiney butt.
February 06, 2005
Beleive it or not, I'm walking on air
I feel like a superhero! I am just so proud of myself! I have finally, after trying since October (OCTOBER!), downloaded the mobile phone tools to hook up the ol' camera phone to the PC. Of course I didn't try every day, but you get the picture. (Ha! Picture! that I can now get off the phone! I'm easily amused...) Anyway, someone posted a tutorial on this message board, and it worked! Very odd since it used the exact same files I had downloaded (over and over); the key was to do things a certain way. (sortof ritual-like...while you download blahblahblah.exe scratch your nose and sing Mary had a Little Lamb...would it be bad if I'm only half joking? It was that bad). I feel so empowered now! Remember that sitcom with Tim Allen, Home Improvement? It's like that "manly" call he always did when he he felt like a super man, "arr-arr-arr-arr." Haha...I'm going to quit while I'm semi-ahead.
January 27, 2005
Gah!
I'm in a bad mood this morning. It doesn't help that I woke up with a headache, either. Did I mention I woke up late as well? Yep. That's my morning. I'm probably mostly irritated because I've asked my husband to give my back my camera for 3 days, and he still "can't remember" to bring it to me. I got my camera last summer...MY camera...but the hubs has since decided that it is really handy to have at work. This means that I never fecking have my camera when I need it! Yes, I have wanted to take a pic of my finished baby 'boggin for 3 days, but what does it matter, he's holding my camera hostage.
The bad thing is, when I'm in a pissy mood like this, I let it seep over to everyone that's around me. Take my co-worker/best friend for example. I just don't have the tolerance to hear her this morning. I love her dearly, but she is GETTING ON MY NERVES. Everything that happens to her is unique and has never happened to anyone else. I just can't tolerate it today. It's my problem, I know.
Also, I start my second round of Clo*mid today, and I am so nervous about it. That last round kicked my ass. I just hope and pray that this round won't be as bad because Chase's 3rd birthday party is Saturday, and I so want to be human for that. *cross your fingers*
Well, the one up side to this pissy day is that it's Thursday, which is computer lab day! Yippee! Also, I am going to the Chamber of Commerce banquet tonight because I have been nominated for "volunteer of the year" by a local service association. I'm not really expecting to win, but I'm thrilled to be considered. I'll let ya'll know tomorrow how things panned out, and maybe (just MAYBE) I'll have a picture of the baby 'boggin to show, too.
January 03, 2005
Back among the living
I actually feel human for the first time since Thursday afternoon. My head has been pounding for days! New Year's Eve and Day came and went without much fanfare. The hubs took us to eat at my favorite restaurant (yummy!), and we came home to sunggle up in our pajamas to play with the boy's beloved new toys. We celebrated the new year with the east coast, because we're that cool. Saturday was a blur...I was so sick. I don't know if it was the medicine, or if I was really ill. All I know is that I went to bed early Saturday night shivering cold...I just could not get warm! My stomach was woozy, and I just wanted to be sick to get it all over with. When the hubs finally came to bed I was still shivering. I could not get out of bed Sunday morning, and when I finally did I was very dizzy and my lower back was killing me! After popping a couple of Tylenol I began to feel better, and by last night I felt good enough to tackle the Christmas decorations. It is truly amazing how well I feel today comapred to yesterday. (except for right now...I am drinkning the grossest combination of "juices" known to man. CapriSun Surfer Cooler - Ugh!)
School starts back tomorrow. I am less than thrilled. Not because of it being work, it's more that I've become way to comfortable staying home with the boy. This happens every time we have a break. I've been gearing him up to go to the babysitter's all day, and he keeps telling me "No, mama! You no go to work!" I wish it were that simple.
September 09, 2004
Knit the knits, purl the purls
I've finally learned to knit! Of course, I haven't actually knit anything but swatches, and I haven't learned how to bind off yet...BUT I CAN KNIT - AND PURL! Yay me! Last weekend I met the woman who "heads up" the Knit-In at my local library (which I've been to intimidated to go to because I thought it was all advanced knitters) and she told me that I was more than welcome to come and learn, that many of the knitters were beginners. I seemed to catch on pretty quick, but the bobbles that I kept hitting - slipped stitches, adding a stitch at the beginning of rows, and other random crazy things that no one knew what I did - were plentiful. Since I don't know how to bind off, and I don't want to frog my very first thing, I'll just leave it on my needles until I can figure out the binding off pics in Stitch 'N Bitch. I'm not sure about Sally jumping over Harry. It's all so confusing!
September 01, 2004
Oh, the drama
Back when I was a freshman in college, living in the dorms, I had a little incident where I banged my funny bone on the bunk beds. It hurt like a - well i don't know what! I remember dancing a little jig, holding my elbow. I sat down on the floor, and the next thing I know my roommate is standing over me yelling out my name. I had passed out. Fast forward to today, 6th period Grammar class. I had just sat down and was rolling up under my desk when I banged my kneecap on the corner where the drawers are. I said my "ow-ow-ows" and then that sick feeling crept over me, along with this grey tunnel-like feeling. The next thing I know I am laying face down - NOSE DOWN! - on the grubby orange carpet at school! It was like I was waking from a good night's sleep, but the first thoughts in my head were "why am I on the orange carpet at school," and "why is one of my shoes off," and "hummm, are we watching a movie? Is that why I'm laying down? (**note, I have never laid on the nasty school floor)," and "oh, my butt must look huge with my laying like this!" Then I heard my co-worker say my name and discuss with the other co-worker what! in the world! to do! Luckily the school nurse was in the hallway by my room, and they called her in to check on me. I had banged my head pretty hard, and had a knot come up. I had also busted my lip. Oh yeah, and my knee was still killing me! I couldn't help but laugh at myself, and the poor kids were FREAKED OUT! They thought I had had a seizure. I can only imagine the story they go home and tell their parents tonight. I'm better now, but I still have a monster of a headache. Just 2 more days left in this week; maybe I can make it through without damaging myself!
July 04, 2004
While you're having a quiet week I'll have 16 screaming pre-teens under my care.
Part of being a teacher is sponsoring extracurricular activities. For 3 years I was over the school yearbook - a job that I will never, ever do again. When I gave up yearbook, I agreed to help my best friend sponsor cheerleading. (All I can say is that the salary supplement goes a long way when making a decision like this.) This week I will be attending cheerleading camp with my squad. Pray for me.
I'll be back Friday...
June 25, 2004
Going Domestic
Last fall I took a class on English Smocking taught by a friend. I immediately fell in love, and couldn't smock enough...but it wasn't enough to just do the smocking, I wanted to make the whole outfit. I had all these visions of buying a pleaterand sewing all kinds of things for Chase and my nieces/nephews. Never mind that I had never sewn a lick in my life. I asked for a sewing machine for Christmas, and the hubs reluctantly obliged. I was given a quick course in sewing by my mom, then went on to make a couple of things for my niece’s Bitty Baby (not the wonderful outfits I imagined, but hey, I was learning!). I moved on to scarves, curtains, purses, diaper bags...and they looked damn good for a newbie! Well, last night I made Chase his first article of clothing...these little shorts out of a patchwork Madras plaid I found at Hancocks. I'm pretty dog-gone proud of myself (by no means an expert, but still...I just got my machine at Christmas!)
If I can get my piece of crap digital camera to work (I told you I wanted a new one), I'll post a pic!
June 01, 2004
May 18, 2004
May 16, 2004
Jumping in head first
In this beginning stage of blogging, it's hard to know what to say...so I'll just put it all out there.
My 101 Things...
1. I was born in a small town in TN
2. I still live in the same small town
3. I am a wife to Tim
4. He was my high school sweetheart
5. We met at the homecoming parade my sophomore year
6. We sat beside each other on the football player/cheerleader fire truck
7. Hey, I told you I’m from a small town!
8. I am a mommy to Chase (2 years old!!!)
9. He is the love of my life
10. He has the longest, darkest eyelashes
11. I’m very envious
12. I love, love, love Lindt milk chocolate truffles
13. I worked for a gift basket shop in college that sold them
14. My hubby buys me bags of them for Christmas
15. I love him very much
16. My son is just like him
17. I love that, too
18. I call them my boys
19. I love to read (only) chick lit books
20. My favorite author is Marian Keyes
21. Second fave is Judy Blume
22. I am a sucker for all things British
23. I guess that makes me an anglophile
24. I have never been to Britain though
25. I want to go for Tim and my 10th anniversary
26. We’ve been married for almost 6 years.
27. I guess I have a while to go
28. I have 2 sisters
29. One is 8 years older, the other is 8 years younger
30. My younger sister is drop-dead gorgeous
31. We are all three totally opposite from each other
32. My older sister had a baby exactly one week after I had Chase
33. This upset me at the time
34. I’m over it
35. I am a natural redhead
36. Though it’s turned more of a dark auburn since I had Chase
37. I’m not liking it at all
38. I miss the redhead
39. So does my hubby
40. Of course he misses my figure from 10 years ago more than my hair!
41. I have trouble having more than one friend at a time
42. I’m working hard to overcome that
43. Basically I have a “best” friend for each major phase of my life
44. I am a teacher
45. I really don’t like my job
46. Well, it’s only because of the age I teach
47. I would rather teach older students
48. I teach 7th graders instead
49. Let’s say it together now “Ugggggg, how do you do that?”
50. I am very healthy
51. I have never been hospitalized except to have a baby
52. I rarely even get sick
53. I can count the times I’ve been to the dr. for an illness on one hand
54. I am very lucky
55. I like to think it’s because I faithfully get a flu shot
56. I suck at spelling
57. My hubby finds this totally hilarious because I teach spelling
58. I’m a whiz at Grammar, so it’s all good
59. I’m not anal about correct grammar, though
60. All in all I’m pretty laid back
61. But I do have a short fuse
62. Just ask Tim
63. I still worry what my parents think of me
64. I talk to my mother everyday
65. I consider myself a daddy’s girl though
66. He was diagnosed with cancer this past year
67. I cried for weeks
68. It’s almost totally gone
69. Along with ¾ of his stomach
70. Vanderbilt Medical Center is top notch
71. I fear my parents dying
72. Sometimes I wish I were still in college
73. I remember having worries then, but nothing like now
74. I wish I had realized how easy everything was then
75. I have a bad habit of being a total bitch
76. I have terrible pangs of guilt later
77. Does that make me a softie?
78. My favorite food is Lasagne
79. or basically anything Italian
80. I also love Mexican
81. I rarely eat red meat
82. I’d rather have chicken than steak any day
83. I love Pottery Barn Kids
84. Basically I just like that clean, classic look
85. I enjoy being very involved
86. Because of this, I volunteer in my community a lot
87. I’m ready for another baby
88. However, I’m having trouble getting pregnant
89. We’ve only been “trying” since December 2003
90. But I’m still discouraged because it only took 1 month with Chase
91. I don’t talk about it, though
92. I have a close friend who is struggling with infertility
93. I don’t feel like I have any room to talk
94. I have 4 nieces and 2 nephews
95. I’m running out of things to say
96. I love Mello Yello
97. That’s a bad thing
98. I probably drink 4 a day
99. I really should be drinking water, heh
100. Oh well!!
101. Yay! I’m done!